Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
