I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
