my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
