the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize