we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
