She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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