She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
