Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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