so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
