can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
