i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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