Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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