Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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