It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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