Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Randomize
