Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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