i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
