I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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