I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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