i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
