Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
