i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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