is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
