closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
