My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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