Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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