It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I want her autograph on my taint
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
