I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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