Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
