david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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