you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
