I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
