conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
