If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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