I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
