I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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