If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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