I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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