I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
