you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
