Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
