Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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