Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You ruined the universe
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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