they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I met the friendliest cop last night
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
