My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
