Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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