My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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