why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
