he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
