Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
