We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The maid of honor just puked.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
