do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
