i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
