went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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