Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
