I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
