But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
