need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize