only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize