Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
