I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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