There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
