i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
