remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
