Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
