You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
