so explain again why im purple
no
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
