I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
