Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
organizing the empties. That sober.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
