It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
