So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
